Selling By the Season

I was walking through the dairy aisle at the grocery store this afternoon and turned a corner. Jutting out from the top of a large refrigerated case was a sign that said, "Sports Drinks." When I looked into the case, it was full of Bass Ale, Guinness Stout, Harp Lager, Killian's Irish Red, Smithwick's Ale, Bailey's Irish Creme, and assorted alcoholic beverages commonly associated with St. Patrick's Day. Sports drinks? Well I suppose drinking is considered by many to be a sport on St. Pattie's Day.

This is just one more example of the all-out marketing that is done in America to maximize sales of various products. Every product has its season. In a capitalist system, selling is what its all about. If there is a particular time of the year when you can sell boatloads of your product by pushing a special occasion, you can maximize your profits. Why not?

Now we all know about the Consumer Fest between October and January that is the Christmas Shopping Season. Retailers selling everything from clothing to toys to video equipment make out like bandits playing on the idea that every good Christian in America is supposed to celebrate the birth of Jesus by spending copious amounts of money on presents.

Of course the grocery stores make out like bandits at Thanksgiving, focusing on turkeys galore and assorted side dishes. At New Year's and St. Patrick's Day the booze people market the heck out us and make a fortune off of what regular drinkers refer to as "Amateur's Night." This is not to mention sales of goofy hats, noise-makers, and assorted fireworks at New Year's. This is not to mention the odd Hallmark card, goofy leprechaun hats and paraphernalia at St. Patties.

Then of course, Easter sells a lot of ham, Easter baskets, eggs, dye for said eggs, and brand new Sunday church clothes for the little ones. If you happen to be Jewish, check out the ethnic food aisle in the grocery store about Passover time. July 4th has its barbecue push and fireworks. Hey, summer all by itself has a push for warm weather gear and beach crap. How many bicycles, tennis rackets, golf clubs, and accompanying clothing are sold at the beginning of every summer, only to be used once or twice and stored away. And of course assorted beach crap as aforementioned, and sunblock and insect repellant.

And these are just the major holidays. President's Day? Mattress Sales and Car Sales. Memorial Day? Ditto. Plus summer kickoff items. See above paragraph. Labor Day? Ditto. Plus summer's end items. See above paragraph. Then there is Valentine's Day and the push to sell love via Hallmark cards, roses, candy, candlelight dinners, and weekend packages at expensive hotels. (Ever stay in the Jacuzzi Room at a Country Inn and Suites? Long story, but you haven't missed a thing.)

Someone you know have a birthday? You owe them a gift. Someone getting married? You owe them a gift, and they have a particular store to buy it at, and a list of what they want. Anniversary? Gift. Death? OK no gift here, but an expensive bunch of flowers is expected. Does it never end? Hmmmm. No.

Frankly, I'm beginning to wonder what I've been doing wrong all these years. Babs and I got married at City Hall on Christmas Eve and surprised everyone. No big wedding. No registry. No wedding presents. Her brother had 2 big weddings complete with gifts. On the third time he went away for a quiet nuptial at his own expense and without the gifts and hoopla. Funny thing is I think this time it's going to take. I think this one will last. At any rate Babs and I feel a little cheated about that and have considered getting remarried so we can get the cool stuff given to us. Trouble is we've been married since 1986 and we bought most of the cool stuff for ourselves already.

What I think I'd like to do is to add a newly marketed holiday to the many, many already in existence. Who the heck ever heard of Sweetest Day twenty years ago? Anyway I'm not famous enough to command a real live national birthday celebration like Dr. King and Abe Lincoln and George Washington. Not even a local or regional celebration like Casimir Pulaski. What we need here is some serious marketing. Within a year or two, "Buy Rex Ray a new BMW Z4 Day" might just catch on. People all over the country could just send small amounts of money. It all adds up. Sort of like political fundraising and NPR Pledge Drives.

If that works out we might just try "Buy Babs Ray a condo in South Beach Day." The Rex Ray BMW Day will be October 6. The Babs Ray Day will be September 20. Cash, checks, credit cards will be accepted. A Pay Pal account is in the works. Phone lines will soon be open. The Rex and Babs Days Website will be there for all who want to wish us well and receive good karma in return. Damn! Sometimes I think I should've been a politician or a televangelist. There's good money to be made in huckstering. Welcome to America, home of the brave, land of the free, and American Express.