The Amazing Adventures of Liberal Man

Last week I wrote about one-upping the Joneses and conspicuous consumption to the Nth degree. It was about AMEX black cards and the latest in "rubbing it in your face" just how wealthy you are. Well, as it turns out, not to be outdone by AMEX, Visa now offers a black card as well. It's not titanium like the AMEX card, but it's some kind of carbon compound, not plastic, or at least not wholly plastic. Today, one day shy of my 59th birthday, I received a pre-approved offer in the mail for a Visa Black Card.

This, to the guy who openly stated last week that he wished to downgrade to an ordinary green AMEX card and a plain old blue Visa. If there were a devil, this might be what he would do. "Just how serious are you Mr. Ray? Wouldn't you just like to flaunt how successful you've become to people? Don't you like having people look at you with that little extra bit of respect? How about it? The Black Visa is only $495 per year, $195 extra per year for the little woman. What do you say?"

I have one thing to say to that Devil. "What success? I'm a Chicago Public School teacher for goodness sakes, and I don't make a penny off this stupid blog. My wife is a writer. Think we're getting rich? The only way we live as we do is the fact that we don't have kids. And who are you referring to as 'the little lady' buster? And $690 per year for what? A credit card that has a higher credit limit and a couple of percs thrown in? Get thee out Satan!"

However, that's not really what I intended to write about tonight. What I really intended to blather on about is the fact that a friend (who shall remain nameless) observed that I've been spending an inordinate amount of time bemoaning the fact that Chicago lost the 2016 Olympics to Rio, or going on about Black Cards and stuff, and not spending nearly enough time taking right-wing nuts to task for making a big deal out of President Obama going to Copenhagen to pitch the Olympics bid in the company of Chicago Mayor Daley and Oprah and assorted others.

I thought about this and perhaps she was right. (Oops. Now you know the person in question was female, but still nameless. However, if you narrow it down to 35-40 of my closest Facebook friends, well you get the picture.) I may be guilty of dereliction of duty as a card carrying liberal blogger. You know what this means. Don't you? Really.

This is a job for Liberal Man! Faster than a speeding NRA bullet. More powerful than a right-wing talk radio host. Able to leap tall Republicans with the aid of a trampoline. It's Liberal Man! Stand in awe ye right wing cretins! Welcome to the Amazing Adventures of Liberal Man1

When last we left Liberal Man he was being beset by right-wingers claiming the President has better things to do than go off to Copenhagen and try to sell the IOC on Chicago as a site for the 2016 Olympics. "There is the National Healthcare debate. There is the War in Afghanistan. We still have troops in Iraq. Iran is building nukes. National unemployment is at 9.8%. The President has embarassed our nation on the international stage."

Liberal Man strokes his chin hairs in thought. "Well maybe you have a point...."

A voice is heard from the audience, "Wait Liberal Man. Don't waffle. You must be strong. Remember that seeing both sides is like kryptonite to all liberals. Step up. Show your cajones. Well, don't show them exactly. That would be gross, but let it be known that you have them."

Liberal Man hears the voice. He shakes off his revery. He speaks. "Where were you clowns when the previous President was clearing brush in Crawford, Texas? Where were you when Dick Cheney was busy selling the country to the corporate interests? Where were you when the government oversight of industry was being gutted and that led to the near collapse of the economy? Whap! Bam! Thwap! Besides, what's bad about the President trying to convince the world that the U.S.A. is a good place to hold the Olympics? Furthermore, I believe he conferred with several heads of state while he was there and spoke with NATO Generals about the war in Afghanistan. What have you done to help the country in the last couple of days?Had another affair with one of your campaign worker bimbos, much to the chagrin of your wife and supporters? Gotten yourself addicted to yet more prescription pain killers? Whack! Blammo! Pow!"

Liberal Man has them on the ropes ladies and gentlemen. It's looking good. No wait! The right has snuck up from behind and unleashed a sneak attack..."Take that Liberal Man! We know you once called yourself a Socialist. We know you once smoked marijuana at a party, and inhaled, (Gasp!)..."

Liberal Man is reeling ladies and gentlemen (No he hasn't been smoking marijuana. Hasn't done that in years and years.) Will he recover? Will he break the choke hold of Right Wing Nut? Stay tuned to this same channel to find out. This has been the Amazing Adventures of Liberal Man. And now for a word from our sponsor.

This program was brought to you by Cursory Cleaning Services, for those times when half-assed is good enough. Cursory Cleaning. "Nobody really looks that close, do they?"

Chicago: "I Don't Get No Respect, I Tell Ya."

Well the 2016 Olympics decision is over, and for whatever reason the games are going to Rio. Being a longtime Chicagoan, it is a little disappointing that Chicago lost out in the first round of voting. However, I, personally, and a lot of other Chicagoans are well prepared for such disappointments. We are Cubs fans. It's been over a hundred years since the Cubs played in the World Series and we have had our hearts broken over a hundred times. The Olympics? We'll get over it.

Indeed there is a lot to get over when you live in the City of Chicago. For over a hundred years we have been known as the Second City, as if there is a surprise inherent in being American that there is really more than one city in America. Ask any New Yorker what other real cities there are in America and you're likely to get a response that goes something like, "Well, there is Los Angeles, but that's really more like one big suburb, not a real city." While Chicago is indeed a "real city," to many East Coasters it's just one more of those towns firmly ensconced in fly-over territory.

To hear many people tell it, New York City is the home of sketch comedy. By now we are all familiar with, "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night." Where do you suppose all of those people learned their comedy chops? Hmmm. By far the largest number of them rose through the ranks at Second City, the live improv theater company based in , you guessed it, Chicago.

For that matter, New York is usually thought of as the center of the theater universe in America. These days, however, when Broadway theaters aren't resurrecting some tired musical 20-30 years old, they are busy importing plays that were written and first produced in Chicago at Steppenwolf Theater. Ever hear of August Osage County? Superior Donuts? Steppenwolf as well. Steppenwolf trained actors include people from John Malkovich to Gary Sinise. The list is too long to go into the non-Steppenwolf actors who populate the big and small screen, though one of my faves has always been Jeri Ryan. She was great as the Borg Babe on Star Trek, The Next Generation. Hot! Hot! Hot! And her ex-husband, the aspiring Illinois politician, had his political dreams shattered because he was Kinky! Kinky! Kinky! Oh she got rid of him in big print in the papers. But that's a story for another day.

A few years back, Babs and I considered a move to Manhattan. Hey, it's the big stage. She was being considered for a job as the communications director of a think tank. I got certified to teach and to be an administrator in the New York Schools, and I interviewed for a couple of jobs. I was offered one of those jobs. Turns out though, the cost of living is outrageous and the pay scale is no more than it is here in Chicago. We stayed in Chicago and parlayed our stay into a view from the 14th floor of a place on Lake Shore Drive. Same money? Less cost? I'll take Chicago.

For that matter, there are a lot of other pluses in Chicago. We have 26 miles of uninterrupted lake front that is dedicated park land for the use of the public. We have alleys where the garbage is picked up, unlike New York where all the garbage is left out at the curb to stink and serve as an eyesore. We invented the skyscraper right here. We have more famous architecture than any other city in North America. We invented deep dish pizza. We are the honest to God home of the electric blues. Picasso gave us a 50 foot high sculpture because he loved the city. Can New York say that?

All in all, Chicago is a world-class city with more than its share of industry, art, and yes, urban grit. We love our city. We think the world should come and learn to appreciate it as well. A great many already do. Take a stroll down Michigan Ave. and the Magnificent Mile some summer day and listen to all the languages being spoken. Take a look out in front of the Mies Van der Rohe building where I live some Saturday morning and check out all the Japanese architecture geeks with their cameras. And yet the Olympics are going to Rio de Janeiro. We'll get over it. It's their loss.

Presidents, Olympics, and Picasso Sculptures

The President of the United States, the Prime Minister of Japan, the President of Brazil, and the King of Spain will all be at a meeting in Copenhagen tomorrow. But then their wives will all be there too, as will Mayor Richard Daley of Chicago and Oprah Winfrey. Man, they've brought out the big guns this time. What major world event is being brokered in Scandinavia? The Olympics for 2016, that's what.

It seems that the finalists for the 2016 Olympics are Chicago, Rio de Janeiro, Tokyo, and Madrid. Seems like there were just recently in Spain and well who knows why, but Tokyo is kind of on the back burner in this one. The smart money is on either Chicago or Rio. Now I'm a little bit prejudiced in this matter, but I have to think that Chicago is getting the Olympics. By this time tomorrow I'll either be telling everyone I told you so, or I'll be telling everyone it was rigged.

Why would they go to Rio? Rio just had to cancel a World Cup Swimming Event because they couldn't come up with the cash to fund it. Every other day, I read something about crime in Rio. Brazil has come a long way economically, but they still have a small number of people with money and a whole lot of people in poverty. Then there is the pollution. Maybe if we could get the Brazilians to stop cutting down the Amazon Rainforest, it might be worth it to give them the games. Is that going to happen. Did I mention that it was in Brazil where a rancher killed a nun who dared to protest his cutting down of yet more rainforest?

Truthfully, there are some in Chicago who do not want the Olympics here. Just yesterday several protesters were arrested in a confrontation with the police at Daley Plaza. It seems that the promoters of the Olympics in Chicago had arranged for a huge Olympic medal to be hung around the neck of the 50 foot high Picasso sculpture in Daley Plaza. This sort of thing is a tradition here. Pictures of the Picasso with the big medal can be found in the Chicago Tribune, along with pictures of the same sculpture wearing Cubs hats, Sox hats, Bears hats, and assorted other indignities. As I recall, the lions in front of the Art Institute sported Chicago Bears helmets in honor of the Bears going to the Super Bowl in January 1986. Somebody stole the helmets, but they magically reappeared a couple of days later.

Anyway, several youths who looked like escapees from a G-20 protest were arrested while protesting the Chicago Olympics bid and trying to pull down the big medal from the Picasso. Maybe they were just mad that they couldn't make it to Pittsburgh to yell at the high level finance guys from all the biggest economies in the world and had to settle for this. At least one of them was chased down by one of those cops who patrol on bicycles. They were all charged with criminal damage to public property, blah, blah, blah.

At any rate, sending President Obama to Copenhagen has to play well. There are a lot of people in this country who seem to hate his guts. Some of them stand up during sessions of Congress and yell, "You lie!" Some of them post stupid things on Facebook like polls asking if people think he should be assassinated. It's amazing to me that after 8 years of George W. Bush, and his cadre of numbskulls who attempted to sell the entire country and all of its holdings to corporate America, that when we finally got an intelligent, competent, caring man who surrounds himself with other intelligent, competent, caring advisors, there are people in this country who think he is the worst thing to ever happen to the country. Meanwhile, most of the rest of the world is so damned relieved to have gotten rid of Bush and company and to have gotten a thoughtful, caring leader of the U.S., they are gushing their adoration. If anybody can sell the idea of an Olympics in Chicago, he's the man. In Washington, he has many enemies. In Copenhagen, they think he's just the cat's meow.

Did I mention that I have a 2 bedroom condo in downtown Chicago that just may be for rent in the summer of 2016? Go Chicago. Reasonable rates. Avoid the rush. Make your reservation now. Oh, and I really would like to see the Olympics in my lifetime. Chicago is a lovely city, really it is.

Talk About the Weather

The weather has taken a serious turn from late summer into brisk fall temperatures this week and with the change has come the gripes from some camps and the exultations from others. Some people are warm weather people. Some people are cold weather people. Then some people, such as myself, are just whatever it is, deal with it people.

I saw a posting on Facebook from a Southern type who I went to high school with and she was obsessing about the change of season, not in a good way. She was lamenting the change to wearing layers. She had to take a business trip to Minneapolis and was complaining about it being in the high 40's and low 50's at night. Meanwhile an old friend from Minneapolis was raving about the beautiful weather.

The opposite side of the warm weather sorts who complain about cold weather is the people who originate in the Northern climes of the U.S. and whine whenever the temperature gets above 80. I believe the typical statement goes something like, "In the winter you can put on more layers, but in the summer you can't take more off to get cool." Well there are nature resorts, aka nudist camps, but even there when it's hot, it's hot. You sweat.

Human beings are amazing creatures. They came out of Africa many thousands of years ago and have managed to settle on every possible corner of this planet. In the heat. In the cold. In the desert. On just about every island in the several oceans, or at least those islands with fresh water. People are nothing if not adaptable. And yet they constantly whine about the weather.

I grew up in Central Arkansas where the average summer day was 92 degrees and humid. I have lived in Austin, Texas where the heat index is nudged up a notch over that. I spent two years on the island of Guam in the Western Pacific, where it is 88 degrees with 85% humidity virtually every day of the year. I know heat and I can deal with it. Not particularly fond of that 100+ kind of heat they have in the Desert Southwest, but if I had to, I could adapt to that as well.

On the other hand I have spent most of the last 30 years in a region known as the Upper Midwest. I spent the better part of 5 years in Minneapolis and I have seen snow in October and May. I have experienced temperatures of -29 degrees, not counting the wind chill. With wind chill it goes down to -50 or -60. I've trudged through snow thigh deep. I've changed tires on cars when it was -10 degrees. Given my druthers, I'd rather live someplace warmer, but I cope quite well with cold weather too. Despite my native Southernness I have learned to ski cross-country and to ice skate. Not really into snowmobiles or that warm weather twin, the jet ski.

What amazes me is that people get hooked on one or the other, warm or cold that is, and refuse to adapt or to enjoy the little pleasures that go with the other. Frankly there are good things about both, and drawbacks about both. Southerners whine about the cold. Northerners whine about the heat, and say things like, "I couldn't live down South. I really like the changing of the seasons."

I'm here to tell you that I like the changing of the seasons too. I embrace the arrival of fall and the glorious colors of the trees. The first big snowfall of the winter is a cause for celebration. The return of green in the spring is a magnificent sight. The coming of summer and temperatures warm enough to warrant shorts, t-shirts, and flip flops is a sunburned delight. Of course, I lived on a tropical island for two years and went to the beach on Thanksgiving and at New Year's. I don't think I really missed the changing of the seasons. That too was perfectly acceptable, just different, although I thought the importation of Christmas trees to a tropical island was a wee bit odd.

The point here is that people become accustomed to one thing and somehow manage to convince themselves that everything else sucks. Just embrace whatever comes people. Life is here to be enjoyed, whether it's a hot life or a cold life or a life that swings radically from one to the other. Life in Chicago can be cold at times, but I own sweaters and coats. Life on the 14th floor is 72 degrees with a stunning view year round. In summers there are boaters and swimmers and the lake is a beautiful shade of aqua. In winter the lake freezes and melts and makes the most curious maze of cracks in that ice. The wind and the snow blow and the big waves crash on the shoreline. It's all good. I find life entertaining, no matter the weather. That being said, I'm seriously considering retirement in a warm clime where it never gets cold. Want snow? I can visit that.

Gold, Platinum, and Beyond

Babs and I went out for lunch yesterday to enjoy one of the last, fleeting opportunities for al fresco dining. It was a very pleasant experience and then came time to pay the bill. I pulled out that ever ready Amex card and looked around at my fellow diners. I found myself wondering how many platinum cards there were? How many gold cards were there? The logical progress of this line of thinking ended up with, "Why in the hell do I need a gold or platinum card?"

Indeed, why does anyone need a gold or a platinum card? Back in the 1980's, status for many people meant having a BMW and a condo. The color of your card was not so important. Then Amex, Visa, and Mastercard all began offering gold cards. If you wanted to impress folks with the latest status symbol, you had to have a gold card. Pretty soon everbody had a gold card and that wasn't enough. Now you had to have a platinum card. It meant you had arrived. It meant that you carried the latest status symbol.

Once upon a time, it was difficult to qualify for a credit card. In the early 1980's, I was rejected for a Sears Charge card. I was a college graduated with a couple of years of graduate school behind me. I had a full-time job. I had already paid off one set of student loans, one used car loan, and had incurred a second set of student loans from graduate school. Seems as if I was a pretty solid, albeit lowly paid person. Still, no credit card.

When I married my current spouse, she had credit cards, based on the fact that her father had given her a card to get her started, and the longer she paid her bills, the more credit that was offered her, and the more credit cards were available to her. Her father gave her a card on his account originally. She gave me a card on her account, and I subsequently proved my trustworthiness. Pretty soon I was getting credit card offers in the mail. American Express, Visa, Mastercard, Discover. You name it, and I was offered it. I got a Visa. I got a Mastercard. I got an American Express.

I began shopping for the lowest interest rates on carried balances. I changed cards. I was offered a gold Amex card and I was flattered. "Turn in that old green card for a pretty gold card? Show the world that I have arrived? Why not?" Then the Visa and Mastercard people got into the act. I didn't just get gold. I got platinum. Woo! Hoo! "Movin on up.....Finally got a piece of the pie."

Then at some point I realized that everybody has gold and platinum cards. Nobody has plain old blue Visa cards anymore. Nobody has plain old green Amex cards anymore. It means nothing. It's been devalued, like BMW ownership. And what do you get for your gold and platinum colors on your plastic? Gold and platinum colors, for the most part, and a higher credit limit. In the case of Amex, it means you get a higher annual fee and you accrue points that you can redeem for cheesy cheap crap that no one wants. But hey, I got a gold card, and a platinum Visa.

Along came the 1990's and the 2000's and pretty soon every college student was being offered a credit card. Want some status? Better have a $100,000 car, a winter and a summer home, and throw in some $500 Italian shoes. Six figure incomes didn't mean shit anymore. Want real status? Get a seven figure income. Can't even eat a plate of spaghetti and meatballs anymore. Everyone's talking artisanal cheeses, heirloom tomatoes, $150 bottles of wine, and dry-aged steaks. How about some fusion cuisine?

Then it happened. I was in a restaurant in South Beach recently. Turns out it's no longer hip and a status symbol to just live in a condo in South Beach. South of Fifth in South Beach is now the chic area. Condos sell for millions of dollars. I don't believe they allow cars less expensive than a Lexus to even drive down the street there. Conspicuous consumption is alive and well and status symbols have been taken up yet another notch there.

We were sitting at the bar in said restaurant, alright it was Smith and Wollensky's, in the outdoor area overlooking the water. They guy next to us starts talking about his million dollar condo, his outrageous property tax bills and his home on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland. Comes time to pay the bill and he pulls out (Insert drum roll here.) a black American Express Card. Platinum schatinum. Want to win friends and influence people? Want to keep up with the, no not Joneses, Rockefellers? Get a black card. No, it's not an urban legend. I have seen one with my very own eyes.

So I checked it out online, and here's the poop on a black American Express Card. It's not plastic. It's titanium. It's officially called the Centurion Card. To get one, you must first have a platinum card. You must be able to show that you charge at least $250,000 per year on your card. You must have some serious assets to your name. (Do you own a million dollar condo? Do you own your own company, that generates a lot of profit?) To get this black card, once you have gotten past the previous hurdles, you must plop down a one time fee of $5000, and then pay an annual $2500 fee. Apparently there are some serious percs if you travel a lot. You pay for them, though.

All of this being said, I am seriously considering starting an anti-chic movement, an anti-status symbol. I think I will ask for a downgrade of my American Express Card to the basic green. I want to get rid of my platinum Visa and go back to a simple blue. Will I be able to do the same stuff I do now? Will I get to charge the same stuff, and then pay it off? The answer is an emphatic, "You bet." Who am I trying to impress? Fly under the radar boys and girls. You still have your credit. It's just a different color, and chances are fewer people will be asking you for donations to their causes.

Ever Have a Bad Week?

I had a really bad week this week, and it was so bad that it started last Saturday, when I woke up with a sore throat. Woke up with a really sore throat on Sunday. Woke up with no sore throat, but a full-blown case of the flu, on Monday. Slept most of the day. Alternated between being hot and sweaty and cold and in need of a blanket. Renamed my nose Niagara. More of the same on Tuesday and Wednesday, but to progressively lesser degrees. Felt like crap. Got nothing constructive done.

Decided I felt well enough to return to work on Thursday. Broke out in a sweat that lasted the first two hours. Was cranky all day. Yelled at students who probably deserved it, but showed a considerable lack of restraint in the doling out of said yelling. Oops. Found out that I had returned to work on the day of the big Homecoming Pep Rally and had to escort a group of students to the gym and endure a full hour of drum pounding and the sound of 600 teenagers yelling. Okay, more like 500+, but still a lot of noise. Took out my hearing aid for that. Helped to a small degree. Still loud.

Came home for Thursday night red wine therapy. Babs called and said to go ahead and eat because she was meeting a friend for a drink and wouldn't be home for a while. Had a bite to eat and read. Babs called and asked if I'd pick her up at the bar. Getting late and the closest El stop was in a questionable neighborhood. Got dressed and hopped in the car.

Drove to Lawrence and Broadway and looked for parking not far from the bar. No street spots to be had, legal ones anyway. Saw a strip mall parking lot across the street from the bar. Sign out front that said, "Free parking." Pulled into a spot in the row nearest the street and went across the street to retrieve wife from bar.

Returned to strip mall parking lot approximately five minutes later to find that the car wasn't there. Hadn't noted the more obscure sign high up on a pole in the middle of the lot that said, "Parking only for patrons of blah, blah, blah. Violators will be towed." Group of vagrants drinking in the corner of the parking lot informed us that Lincoln Towing had taken the car and it was only a short walk over to their impound lot on Clark.

Occurred to me that said vagrants probably were paying for their drinks with money from Lincoln Towing for being spotters and keeping non-shoppers out of the lot. Pissed me off greatly. Looked around the lot and saw some 15-20 empty parking spaces and 6 or 7 drunk vagrants partying away in the corner of the lot. Pissed me off further. I occupy a spot in the lot for 5 minutes and my car is gone before I return. Obnoxious drunks hitting everyone in sight up for money and drinking openly in public are allowed to stay, unmolested.

Friend decides that maybe if we buy something in one of the stores and have a receipt, we can get the car because we patronized a store in the strip mall. Leaned against the wall of an apartment building while friend went off on a Quixotean quest. Vagrant spots two white people leaning against an apartment building and goes a half block out of his way to ask for money for the bus. Replied, "Not happening."

Friend returns with a can of Pepsi and a receipt. Turns out to be a fruitless venture. Off to the impound lot. Ever heard a song by Steve Goodman called "The Lincoln Park Pirates"? This is who we are dealing with. Guy behind the bars in the office at the Lincoln Towing impound lot is a smarmy looking prick who looks like he definitely lives in the suburbs and commutes to the city to demand money from city residents in exchange for their cars. Cost me $170 to get the car. The receipt says I left the mall lot and was illegally parked on private property. It also says the Chicago Police were notified. The person notified space was blank. My name was on the Illinois Commerce Commission Relocation Tow Record. My accusor's was not. The name of the guy behind the bars taking the money was not. The name of the police person receiving said report was not. Are there Constitutional issues here? Went home and seethed.

Friday was a non-attendance day for students. Professional development day. I thought, "Oh Jesus. Am I going to have to listen to endless useless crap and then join with a group and make signs on big Post-It Notes to put on the wall and present to the room at large?" Found myself wondering why teachers are continually made to sit in groups and come up with creative solutions for positive change that never actually occur. Found myself wondering if kids were not given so many days off for teacher meetings if they might not learn more. Found myself wishing that they would just leave me the hell alone and let me do my job, to teach teenagers a little something about the world.

During the course of the day Friday got crabby and snapped at a colleague who was spouting Republican inanities while swearing that he isn't a Republican. Let's see, he thinks Ronald Reagan was a demi-god. He thinks less government is better. He thinks Democrats are stupid. There is a word for these people. It's Republican, although sometimes they will try to convince you that they are Libertarians or Independents. He also annoyed me by denying that racism is behind some of the current disrespect for the President. Being in denial does not make it any less true. Whew!

Now it is Friday evening and I would like to put all of this behind me, although the $170 bill will come back to haunt me on the next credit card bill, probably just in time for Halloween and various other hauntings. In the meantime, I think Corn Nuts go well with both red wine and white wine. Tomorrow is another day, and let's hope it's a better one.

Ever Have a Bad Week?