It's a bit of a gray dreary day in Streeterville. Last I checked, the temperature was unable to make up its mind whether to be 59 or 60 degrees. The upshot is that it's cool and crappy at the Mini. It's late May and it's getting to be time for some warmer temperatures doggonit. Hey weather gods! Would it help if I sacrificed a goat like they did back in the day? Nah! Never been into sacrificing animals to the gods. I've run over a couple while driving on highways (Deer in Wisconsin. Big honking lizards in Australia...), but I've just never been into purposeful sacrificial stuff with animals. Barbecuing for culinary pleasure, yes. Sacrificing for the spiritual pleasure or better weather, no way Jose.
I just got back from a trip to Northern Iowa, and along the way there and back I had the opportunity to observe up close and personal a lot of small towns. It's very interesting to drive through these small towns because you never see anyone. In cities there are people on the streets. There are people in the parks. There are people on their porches. There are people everywhere you look. In small towns, you drive down the streets and there are houses. There are yards. There are cars in the driveways. There are no people anywhere.
Mind you, you may see a few cars driving down the main streets. You may see a lone person dashing from their car to the entrance of a store. You might see one odd person in their yard on a riding lawnmower. However, there are no people on the sidewalks. There are no children in the yards. The parks you drive past are empty. Look closely as you drive past. You may see the glow of TV screens through the windows. You will not see anyone outside, walking, playing, biking, talking with neighbors. Are these really movie sets, with no real people? Where the hell are the people? I know I saw a sign at the city limits that said there were 2000 people here. Where are they? What are they doing?
I know people who glorify small town life. They espouse a love for knowing everyone, for having everyone know you. They extoll the glories of the togetherness of small town life. They make it sound like one big happy family. My wife, Babs, is from a small town of 1000 people in Northern Iowa and over the years I have spent a lot of time there. It is anything but one big happy family.
In small towns, it is true that you know everyone and everyone knows you. It is also true that there is a very small window for variation on thought, opinion, lifestyle, or even what kind of car you drive. You may never see most of these people on your visits, but be sure, they are sitting in their houses watching you walk down the street from behind those windows, behind those curtains. They are judging you. They are making fun of you for the very act of walking down the street. "No one does that, here. "
Things I have learned over 20+ years of marriage to Babs and many, many visits to Northern Iowa: 1. Don't bring your running shoes and go for a morning run. People think it's a bit weird. You're a middle-aged man, after all. 2. Don't go out for a walk around town after a heavy dinner. People sit behind their curtains and stare at you. They think it's weird. 3. Don't let people know you live in a large, major city. They all think cities are crime-ridden cesspools. They think it's weird. 4. Don't drive a car that isn't white or gray. It's too flashy. They think it's weird. 5. Don't wear clothes that are maybe cutting edge. Try your best to look like everyone else. They think it's weird. 6. Don't admit to ever having been in a stage show, singing with a band, writing a poem, creating a piece of art. They think they could do that if they just put their mind to it, but they have more important things to do, and after all, artists are a little bit weird.
When I think about the sameness of small town America, I am reminded of the Japanese cultural saying, "The nail that sticks out, gets hammered down." Small town America is a bit like that. Anyone who is the least bit different gets homogenized into the mix, or they leave. Difference is not encouraged. Standing out, by virtue of your excellence, is not encouraged. (You're thought of as a showoff, a braggart.) The upshot of this is, that if you're one of the ones who stand out, for whatever reason, you leave. If you're a little smarter, you leave. If you're a little more talented, you leave. If you just see things in a slightly different way, you leave. If you're creative, you leave. If, for any of these reasons, you stand out from the norm, you're not really wanted. You either conform, or you leave.
The trouble is that most of the best and brightest, with a few notable exceptions, leave. For a great book on this phenomenon, see our friends, Maria and Pat's book Hollowing Out the Middle. Small town America has driven the talent from their midst and into the waiting arms of urban America, where they can be accepted, where there are opportunities. The remaining populous in Small Town America is, on the whole, a lot of mediocre intellects and talents and a smattering of those who have possibilities, but who have been beaten down and made to fit into the mold. There are those who tried the urban environment and when success didn't come right away or when they didn't seem to have the homegrown, ready-made group of friends and acquaintances they automatically received by virtue of being born in a small town, went back home with their tails tucked between their legs. This is not the best model for building talent, building economies, building healthy communities. "I differ, therefore, I leave."
In the meantime, I just have one suggestion, for small-town America. Get out of your houses. Meet your neighbors. Talk to one another. Walk the three blocks to the grocery store, for once. Just one afternoon, go to that empty park and hang out. Try using that empty tennis court, even if you suck at tennis. No one will care, and if they do, why should you care? Life is short. Get out of your house. Enjoy life for once, and "To hell with anyone who wants to laugh at you or criticize you for merely enjoying the life that has been given to you." Ready, Small Town America? June 1 at exactly 6PM, every one of you, go outside, and interact with one another. Say hello to someone. Find out who they really are. It'll give you all something to talk about for the next 5 years.
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