Resolutions and Change

It was a pretty nice day on the 14th floor. Lots of frozen water out the window. When I went to the grocery store, it was 30 degrees at the Mini. Still no news on the wind chill factor. It is undeniably 2009 and even though it is the second day of the new year, I am just now getting around to serious consideration of that New Year's pastime, the New Year's Resolution.

Truthfully, Babs has come to me almost every year and asked me what New Year's Resolutions I was making. Inevitably I have told her in no uncertain terms, "I don't make New Year's Resolutions." I have always based my life on continuous growth and change and I always felt that resolving to change something about myself for the new year was just idiotic since my whole life has been one big resolution for change.

This year is different, though. I realize that sometimes people form habits over the years. Sometimes we don't get the results we hoped for. I realize that that old saw about "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results," has a bit of truth to it. It's time I made some resolutions and began making things change, taking control of my life (for a change). I had some serious disappointments last year and hope to enjoy this year and succeeding years a bit more.

Let's just review the last year. I spent 6 months of the last year, one weekend per month holed up in hotels for business retreats, and completing seminars that were designed to make 37 other people and myself competent to go into a failing school and turn it around. I spent a great deal of time and effort after the fact applying and interviewing for administrative jobs that never materialized. I'm still a teacher, not an administrator and the politics of that fact are positively mind boggling. That is a subject for another rant altogether. At any rate, lots of time and effort, zero results.

In previous years, I have padded the old teacher income with part-time administrative gigs after hours and by teaching in summer school. All of that dried up last year and I made substantially less money than in previous years. Not going broke mind you, but let's just say the road to a six figure income has become a long and winding one. Not there yet. Not clear if I'll ever get there in education. My other options at this point being primarily creative ones, I may continue to be one of the working class, not one of the elite. What else is new?

Taking a look at the larger picture from last year, we had another year of George W. Bush mismanaging the country and creating more ill will against the U.S. abroad, while sending the economy into the worst spiral since the Great Depression. Apparently he was unable to outdo Herbert Hoover, so his debacle will have to be known as the "Pretty Damned Bad Recession." Part of this is the fact that Babs's investments from all of her hard work of the last few years took a pretty serious hit. We don't need to go into number specifics here. Lots of Baby Boomers are being faced with delaying their retirement. Remember this important credo, "Friends don't let friends ... vote Republican." Oh, and the value of the home on the 14th floor is in all likelihood somewhat diminished. Thank goodness we have some serious equity we brought into this residence from the years in Gayberry. (Also the subject of another essay altogether.)

I recommitted myself to my creative endeavors last year, though. I just didn't do quite as much with those efforts as I probably should have. I let work and life in general get in the way of those things. I also continued to let family and friend considerations get in the way of being who I am. I can ill afford to spend any more of my lifetime worrying about what other people think. In addition, I continued to do one thing I love, run. However, I let life get in the way of that and I didn't run as much as I should have to train for the races I ran. I never got my weight down to the level I should have in order to get the results I wanted. OK, everyone should have gotten the picture by now. It wasn't a stellar year.

That being said, I have come to the realization that I need to make some resolutions this year. I have thought long and hard about change and I realize that change that comes quickly and radically is not often lasting change. Real change is change that comes slowly and incrementally. One still has to take action to make these incremental changes take effect, though. The more we realize our own control over our destiny, the more we are able to take steps to control it, to effect necessary change. It is time to resolve.

So what do I need to resolve for this new year? I have to realize that, in all likelihood, I will continue to be a teacher, not an administrator and I need to embrace that and be a very good teacher until the day I can realistically afford to quit teaching. I need to embrace that creative side of myself and devote more time and effort to it to create a better result. I need to seriously commit to completing creative projects that sound wonderful in their infancy, but need many hours and hard work to be completed. Otherwise, I will never get the results I seek. I need to work harder at being happy with the life Babs and I have carved out for ourselves and accepting that it is what it is.

Will I quit being a thorn in the side of the bad administrators at CPS? Will I put more effort into reaching those kids in my classroom? Will I actually practice my guitar and rewrite songs once I've gotten past the initial purge? Will I finish the play that still has only one act? Will I actually write the book that needs to be written about education? Will I get it together to write an entire book of fiction? Will I make the effort necessary to sell the children's stories I wrote? Will I lose the weight I need to lose in order to be the guy I want to be? Will I focus on one thing at a time enough to actually make some of these things happen? Well, this is my resolution. I resolve to make as much of this happen as I possibly can. Incremental works. One thing at a time. Small steps. Most of all, though, I have a pretty good life, and I resolve to be happy with it, not content, but happy.

Happy New Year all. Do what you can to make a better life for yourself. Stop whining. Stop talking about it. Do it. You are the only one who can make it happen. It just takes small steps, a little bit at a time.